Leonardo 'fat boy' da Vinci
Sep. 19th, 2011 01:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
communi_kateTitle: The Culinary Catastropes of Leonardo da Vinci, Genius.
Fandom: Assassin's Creed.
Rating: PG
Warnings: None.
Summary: Ezio struggles to cope with Leonardo's latest obsession-cooking. Inspired by this post at BoingBoing on the amazing and definitely apocryphal culinary notebooks of da Vinci.
The Culinary Catastrophes of Leonardo da Vinci, Genius.
An AC2 fan fiction by xahra99
"Leonardo?" Ezio called.
He stepped back and squinted up at the windows of Leonardo da Vinci's workshop. The windows were all open, a good sign that his friend was in residence. The door was firmly locked, which suggested the contrary.
Ezio considered his options. Eventually he sighed and produced a lock pick from his belt. It was the work of a moment to open the door, and he made a mental note to convince Leonardo to invest in some better security. As he pushed the door open and slipped inside he heard a loud crash, followed by a plume of sweetly scented smoke.
"Leonardo?" he called. "Leonardo! I have found another Codex page!"
There was no reply.
Ezio closed the door behind him and hoped he wasn't interrupting something important or-Gods help him-indecent. He looked around. The workshop was in a state of total disarray, which was nothing unusual for Leonardo. The thick fog of steam that filled the room was rather more out of the ordinary. Mist clung to the bare rafters. Water droplets pearled and ran down the curtains, the walls and the many unfinished canvases.
"Leonardo?" Ezio called again. He peered through the smoke and made out an enthusiastic and indistinct shadow over by the massive kitchen range.
"Ezio!" Leonardo's exclamation of greeting sounded genuine. "Good morning!"
Ezio followed the sound of his friend's voice, pushing through piles of books and half-stacked boxes towards Leonardo's stove. The range had been unused for as long as Ezio had known his friend. The artist very rarely bothered to cook, and he had a habit of abandoning the meals he did prepare half way through. The tribe of mice that inhabited his workshop were all very fat or, if they were foolish enough to nibble at his box of paints, very dead.
Ezio waved a hand in front of his face in a futile attempt to dispel the smoke."What are you doing?"
"Cooking," Leonardo said. He had replaced his beret with a tall white hat and held a long wooden spoon in his left hand. He dipped a finger into one of the pots bubbling upon the stove. "It's good! Ezio, you have to try this!"
"Cooking?" Ezio asked doubtfully. He was accustomed to Leonardo's obsessions, but this was something new. "No thank you. I'm sorry, amico mio, but I know exactly what that pot was last used for."
"Not just cooking." said Leonardo, ignoring Ezio's comment. "I am in the process of inventing an entirely different kind of cookery. I shall call it-" He paused and waved a hand. "Well, I'll think of something. Cooking is just like alchemy!" He picked up a bubbling saucepan and thrust it under Ezio's nose. "The chemical reasons between the transformations of ingredients are endlessly entertaining!"
Ezio pushed the pan away with his padded sleeve, dropping the Codex page as he did so. The parchment fluttered to the ground amidst scraps of paper with Titles like 'The Machines I Have Yet to Design for My Kitchen' and 'On Ridding Your Kitchens of Pestilential Flies'
"Cooking is nothing like alchemy," he pointed out. "For one thing, there are fewer explosions."
"Then cooks are doing something wrong!" Leonardo exclaimed. "Consider an egg. As it cooks, the white turns from clear to opaque. Like lead into gold! This, my friend, is a miracle of transmutation. Why should it be?"
"Why should it?" Ezio said cautiously.
"I don't know!" Leonardo cried. "Isn't it wonderful?"
Ezio rolled his eyes. "Cooking," he said," is what servants are for. Or failing that, pie-shops. I do not see-"
"Did you know that I was apprenticed to a chef in my youth?" Leonardo lifted up a saucepan lid and stirred the bubbling liquid below.
"I did not," Ezio said carefully. He took a closer look at the range. Several of the pots and pans glowed with a strange and esoteric light. "What are you cooking?"
"Porridge balls in gold leaf," Leonardo said happily. "And cabbage jam. I shall call it molecular gastronomy!"
There was a small explosion atop the range. Fragments of burning cabbage splattered Ezio, Leonardo, and several unfinished paintings.
Ezio sighed. It was going to be a very long day.
Fandom: Assassin's Creed.
Rating: PG
Warnings: None.
Summary: Ezio struggles to cope with Leonardo's latest obsession-cooking. Inspired by this post at BoingBoing on the amazing and definitely apocryphal culinary notebooks of da Vinci.
"Leonardo?" Ezio called.
He stepped back and squinted up at the windows of Leonardo da Vinci's workshop. The windows were all open, a good sign that his friend was in residence. The door was firmly locked, which suggested the contrary.
Ezio considered his options. Eventually he sighed and produced a lock pick from his belt. It was the work of a moment to open the door, and he made a mental note to convince Leonardo to invest in some better security. As he pushed the door open and slipped inside he heard a loud crash, followed by a plume of sweetly scented smoke.
"Leonardo?" he called. "Leonardo! I have found another Codex page!"
There was no reply.
Ezio closed the door behind him and hoped he wasn't interrupting something important or-Gods help him-indecent. He looked around. The workshop was in a state of total disarray, which was nothing unusual for Leonardo. The thick fog of steam that filled the room was rather more out of the ordinary. Mist clung to the bare rafters. Water droplets pearled and ran down the curtains, the walls and the many unfinished canvases.
"Leonardo?" Ezio called again. He peered through the smoke and made out an enthusiastic and indistinct shadow over by the massive kitchen range.
"Ezio!" Leonardo's exclamation of greeting sounded genuine. "Good morning!"
Ezio followed the sound of his friend's voice, pushing through piles of books and half-stacked boxes towards Leonardo's stove. The range had been unused for as long as Ezio had known his friend. The artist very rarely bothered to cook, and he had a habit of abandoning the meals he did prepare half way through. The tribe of mice that inhabited his workshop were all very fat or, if they were foolish enough to nibble at his box of paints, very dead.
Ezio waved a hand in front of his face in a futile attempt to dispel the smoke."What are you doing?"
"Cooking," Leonardo said. He had replaced his beret with a tall white hat and held a long wooden spoon in his left hand. He dipped a finger into one of the pots bubbling upon the stove. "It's good! Ezio, you have to try this!"
"Cooking?" Ezio asked doubtfully. He was accustomed to Leonardo's obsessions, but this was something new. "No thank you. I'm sorry, amico mio, but I know exactly what that pot was last used for."
"Not just cooking." said Leonardo, ignoring Ezio's comment. "I am in the process of inventing an entirely different kind of cookery. I shall call it-" He paused and waved a hand. "Well, I'll think of something. Cooking is just like alchemy!" He picked up a bubbling saucepan and thrust it under Ezio's nose. "The chemical reasons between the transformations of ingredients are endlessly entertaining!"
Ezio pushed the pan away with his padded sleeve, dropping the Codex page as he did so. The parchment fluttered to the ground amidst scraps of paper with Titles like 'The Machines I Have Yet to Design for My Kitchen' and 'On Ridding Your Kitchens of Pestilential Flies'
"Cooking is nothing like alchemy," he pointed out. "For one thing, there are fewer explosions."
"Then cooks are doing something wrong!" Leonardo exclaimed. "Consider an egg. As it cooks, the white turns from clear to opaque. Like lead into gold! This, my friend, is a miracle of transmutation. Why should it be?"
"Why should it?" Ezio said cautiously.
"I don't know!" Leonardo cried. "Isn't it wonderful?"
Ezio rolled his eyes. "Cooking," he said," is what servants are for. Or failing that, pie-shops. I do not see-"
"Did you know that I was apprenticed to a chef in my youth?" Leonardo lifted up a saucepan lid and stirred the bubbling liquid below.
"I did not," Ezio said carefully. He took a closer look at the range. Several of the pots and pans glowed with a strange and esoteric light. "What are you cooking?"
"Porridge balls in gold leaf," Leonardo said happily. "And cabbage jam. I shall call it molecular gastronomy!"
There was a small explosion atop the range. Fragments of burning cabbage splattered Ezio, Leonardo, and several unfinished paintings.
Ezio sighed. It was going to be a very long day.
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no subject
Date: 2011-09-19 04:00 am (UTC)Thank you for sharing this! I love to cook as much as I love Assassin's Creed, so any intersection of the two makes me a very happy fangirl ^_^
no subject
Date: 2011-09-20 12:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-20 10:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-21 09:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-19 11:35 am (UTC)I like the banter and Leonardo's quirky mind. (I think Ezio is right to be wary of the Leonardo's cookery. It's art and science, so it's probably not edible.)
I was a bit surprised to see 'molecular gastronomy,' but I guess Leonardo just picked random Latin and Greek words that he happened to like, and then experimented with them. :D
no subject
Date: 2011-09-20 12:50 am (UTC)His food is exactly what I imagine Leonardo would produce, given a modern kitchen, a small blowtorch and a large vat of liquid nitrogen.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-20 02:05 am (UTC)I know of the show, as I've seen several episodes a few years ago. It's an interesting concept, even though I remember only one recipe as alluring - the chocolate mousse.
But yes, it looks like something Leonardo would do in the modern day.
I was more trying to find a reason why Leonardo would use expressions that were
coinedinvented only later on, and I came to the conclusion that, heh, he's an inventor. :)Far from my being hung up on historical accuracy (it stifles the creative mind), especially in a game, but for whichever silly reason the term puzzled me in this setting, so I wanted to find an explanation.
And as I said, it's a lovely fic.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-19 12:38 pm (UTC)As a science geek, I wholeheartedly approve of this statement.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-20 12:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-20 01:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-20 01:17 am (UTC)I did see a Christmas themed ep where they tried to cook a turkey by putting it on a radio mast and a radar station. It didn't work.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-20 02:29 am (UTC)I just found this site annotating the episode:
http://kwc.org/mythbusters/2006/12/episode_60_earthquake_machine.html
no subject
Date: 2011-09-26 07:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-09 12:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-15 11:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-17 08:20 pm (UTC)